THE LOO AND VERNE SHOW CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

LOO AND VERNE SCREW UP AGAIN!!!!

( Loo and Verne are very good friends. Loo has a Harley that she dearly loves and rides everywhere. Verne has a set of Royal Doulton China that she bought on a recent trip to England and is very very fond of each piece. As the light go on we see Loo and Verne sitting at the table discuss their Christmas lists.. . .)

VERNE: Okay Loo! I have everyone on my list done but you. What are you thinking about for Chirstmas. And if you say you want that neon mini kegger again I am going to sock you right in the mouth!! There is not room in your basement for another thing!

LOO: Fine! If I can't have the mini keggar then I am taking back your bagpipe playing, kilt wearing, Scottish mail order husband. No, really I have been eyeing the new sparkle pink gas tank for my Harley. Don't you think it would go beautifully with my chaps? The problem is its way expensive, so I guess socks will be fine. What would you like?

VERNE: Loo! Do you always have to bring up that man? You know I don't truck with no man who wears a dress! Honestly. I would imagine they keep a cold all the time anyway--and I just imagine the rashes.

So you want a customized gas tank for your Harley huh? Interesting. I bet that will set someone back a pretty penny. Now, I will have to admit you would look quite fetching with a sparkle pink tank to match those chaps. But you are right--way too steep for my blood. You should have asked YOUR mail order husband for that one.Yep, it is gloves for you old girl!

Well, I'll tell you what I would love to have. As you know I have my Royal Doulton China that I bought that time I was in England--you know I went over there to visit my cousin Priscilla who married that guy who worked for the Duchess of York? Well, anyway. I know it is awfully expensive but they have this beautiful free standing tea urn that holds up to 30 cups. I would love to have that for my next Possum Pate' tea social. But it is mucho bucks--so probably some guest soaps will do for me. I'm not hard to please.

LOO:  I can't help it! After you accosted the Scottish rites player during the Christmas parade, it seems you are not completely over him.

Well I started to ask my husband, but after you broke his foot while playing dirty Santa, he shipped himself back.

Ah yes! The china it's beautiful, I must say. I had forgotten about your cousin. Do you think she could get us a meeting with the queen? I'm still in shock that you Verne, came from royalty!
If you get that tea urn, we shall invite all the ladies from the women's guild, over for tea and pate.
Christmas reminds me of my childhood, when my father would take me on Sunday drives on his Harley. I can still feel the wind on my face. We would drive while mom made dinner, she hated the bike. She feared it would be the death of us.

VERNE (wiping a tear) Oh LOO! That is sooo beautiful! A tender memory of your father (sniff) I hope you tell him that. He will be so happy that he didn't put you up for adoption after all.

Yes, I am totally over the Scottish rites guy--the wind blew pretty well that day! I was seriously unimpressed.

As for your husband--he was cheating!

LOO: So you will be knitting baby booties for the Scottish rites guild? Cheating? With who? You?! So that was the deal with the melted chocolate! I'm so upset! Forget your guest soaps!

VERNE: Now, calm down Loo! You always jump to conclusions. He cheated because he wouldn’t  fork over his gift and he melted because he fell up against the radiator when I broke his foot off and shoved him out of the way!!! Now calm your bad self down. chill. There are other foil wrapped chocolate men out there.
 Well, I guess we have our lists finished. I am going to go home and finish wrapping my presents. See you in a few days! Get some rest! sheesh!

LOO: (Laughing)  You always mess with my blood pressure, I was so looking forward to seeing what you had planned for us. It was just not meant to be.  (Verne leaves and Loo is contemplating her gift:) : I really wish I could get Verne that tea urn, she has been a great friend and stood by me when others have not. I wonder how much it costs? ....

 (Loo: goes to the phone----fade)

VERNE: (Walking in the snow contemplating Loo's gift) Loo really deserves that gas tank. She WOULD be most fetching on it with all that pink! But gosh those things are steep! (Unlocks her door and goes inside--fade)

ACT II

( Loo and Verne are at the Christmas party at Verne's house. Loo has just arrived. She is surprisingly dry and warm for someone who came on a motorcycle.)

VERNE: Merry Christmas LOO!!! I am so glad you made it. I didn't know if that little softtail Harley would make it through the snow drifts or not. . . Wow it must have stopped snowing! You are dry as a bone! Well come on, it is time to open presents. AND NO, I DID NOT GET YOU THE MINI KEGGER!!!

LOO: Merry Christmas Verne! (Loo hands Verne a gift) No its coming down out there! I passed a polar bear on the corner having a snowball fight with a penguin. Well since you didn't get me the mini kegger you better have some red wine around this joint!
( Loo and Verne join the other guests)
Hey guys! Merry Christmas! Oh Verne what a magnificent Christmas tree.

VERNE: Why thank you Loo! Come in and join the gang. (She takes the gift Loo has in her hand and places it under the tree. She pauses to pat the gift that bears the name LOO on it and begins imagine the look on her dear friend's face when she opens it.)

ACT III

(The last of the guests are making their way out the door. Verne is waving goodbye. Loo is cleaning up dishes and such. )

VERNE: Okay Loosie LOO, it is time for us to exchange our gifts! I can't wait for you to see yours!

LOO: Great! Let me finish this glass. Verne that wrapping job is excellent, is that macrame?

VERNE:  Yes, I got carried away making a tissue box holder, I just couldn't stop so the next thing I knew I had a gift bag the size of duffel bag. (They sit down on the couch in front of the tree. Verne picks up Loo's gift and hands it to her) OKAY! Here you go Loo! Enjoy this in good health! (Loo picks up Verne's gift and hands it to her)

LOO: You are one macrame fool. Let's open our gifts together. (Loo hesitates unsure of how to open the macrame wrap. They wildly open their gifts, then Verne makes a choking sound. Loo looks over to see if it was her gift that made her choke, but she has managed to get the ribbon around her throat! 30 minutes later Verne is free and unharmed except for the circumfrential hickey on her neck.)

VERNE: LOO! THE URN. YOU GOT ME THE URN!!! (laughing) IT IS BEAUTIFUL BUT HOW.........(She stops in mid sentence, the she gets a strange look on her face, a sad look, but then she quickly recovers remembering that her friend hasn't opened her gift yet) LOO! YOU HAVE TO UNTIE THE STRING AT THE TOP! HURRY I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

LOO: I got it now! Oh! My goodness Verne the sparkle pink gas tank for my Harley! (Loo  holds the tank in her hands as it sparkles under the glow of the Christmas lights. She drops her head), Verne how did you get this?......(just then Loo notices they were not drinking out of the Royal Doulton tea set.) Verne, what happened to your tea set?

VERNE: (lowers her eyes)  Well, Loo. It was just collecting dust, and I only used it on special occasions and, and, well, you know how I hate clutter…….I sold it.    BUT LOOK AT YOU! I can't wait to see you buzzing around town glittering like a fairy princess--pink chaps flapping in the wind!!!

LOO: But you loved it! (just then it hits Loo like a bulbous rock) I must confess I sold my Harley too.

VERNE: (looks up with a quizzical stare.  She looks at Loo, the gas tank and the urn.  Then starts to laughing out loud!!!!) LOO!  We screwed up again!!!!!!  You silly silly girl.  You sold your bike to buy this urn?  And I sold my tea set to buy the gas tank!  (Laughs harder and harder)  Well, it’s just like us!!!!! 

LOO: (laughing because of the situation or perhaps the wine, happy tears start falling!) We completely messed this one up. I don't need a Harley or the gas tank all I need is your friendship and a good bottle of wine.

VERNE: OH LOO!! YOU"RE THE BEST!!!!!!!!  And I can still use the urn without the  rest of the set………You are still not getting a kegger though.

THE END