Black Eye'd Friday or Shopping With LOO

   Well, I think I know why it is called Black Friday--black eyes.  Maybe even Black and Blue Friday would be better.  See it all started when Loo decided that she was going to ride the Wal-mart scooter to the back where the Sparkle Plenty Barbie Dolls were.  I told her she'd never get it close enough to the shelf to be able to reach one before she got trampled.  She said, "Hide and watch me, Verne!"  Loo, always gets a little testy when you tell her she "can't" do something.
    She took off at mach 10 toward the toy department. She was going so fast that she knocked down the Twilight book display.  I knew she was oblivious when she didn't stop, pick up one of the books and kiss the photo of Edward on the front--she is always doing that you know.   Then she knocked over this 40 something woman dressed in cougar print and stretch pants who was ogling a Jonas Brothers' poster.  It was the saddest thing I had ever seen.  She was mad with purpose--to get the coveted Sparkle Plenty Barbie Doll.
    She skidded sideways as she came to where they were and there was this poor little old lady who had to be at least 80  reaching out her sweet little old wrinkledly hand when all of a sudden, Loo, wild-eyed and frothing at the mouth, jumped off the scooted and walloped the poor little woman with a set of floor mats she had managed to get tangled up in the basket of her scooter as she careened through the automotive aisle.
   I begged her to stop but she just kept swatting the little blue hair until she let go of the doll.  Loo, snatched it and was gone!!!!  I stayed behind to help pick up hair pins and false teeth which were covering the floor by this time and apologized profusely to her on Loo's behalf.  I had to explain that Loo had been a little "off:" ever since her knee surgery.  I don't think she believed me, the last time I saw her she was staggering to the health and beauty aisle to get some Advil and bandaides.
    Loo was flying through the store waving her ill gotten loot screaming, "I GOT THE BARBIE!!!"  I decided it was time for a little damage control so I took off after her, only to be tripped by a Wal-mart employee stocking the shelves with Soltice.  I went skidding across the floor right under this guy who had just come from a meeting of the Scottish Rites.  He was wearing a kilt---and we all know what they wear under kilts.
    So there I lay, prostrate on the floor, stunned beyond words, staring up at this guy's Scottish Rites, as Loo made another mad dash through shouting "WOOOOOO HOOOOOO!"  They called the ambulance and that is the last I remember--for I managed to crawl to the school supply aisle and glue my eyes shut with crazy glue--I never wanted to see again!
    So whoever gets the Sparkle Plenty Barbie please know, it was blood sweat and tears that brought that doll to you and when they release Loo and me from jail (I shall be in the infirmary trying to get my eyes back open) come by and have some hot chocolate. We love you, come see us!