New Year message from Loo

2009, You have put me to the test. I have not enjoyed my time being incapacitated, please left knee, hurry and get better!I had to deal with issues that had long been buried. I am on month 4 of a 6 month break from work, in which I discovered many dreams that I had put on hold.I lost people whom I thought were friends, when I took a thankless job and had my name slung through the mud.I took time off from college. I fell below the poverty level. But....

I discovered I wasn't far above poverty anyway. I reconnected with many Auld, true friends and found many new ones. I wrote a new journey or should I say chapter. I found that I have many stories to tell and perhaps other people may enjoy them too.I realized that I am good enough for that thankless job and better. It seems I may want to go a new direction in college. I found that I didnt know my own strength.

I found Verne and I think alike and that is incredibly scary, but out of that Loo and Verne Show came to pass.So you see 2009 you put me through it, but in 2010 I will stand, head held high and with maybe a slight limp, but I will stand!!!

Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays

Tonight I'm listening to rain and wind tearing at my shingles. I'm preparing for bed to rest before a big day of family,food, and celebrating of Christ. I'm thinking about the day past as I celebrated my 26th birthday and all the birthday wishes I received just made my day! Not expensive gifts or other material things, even though I enjoyed my gifts sister gave me. Hey it was food!
This year I won't be giving material things, for all I can afford to give is Love!
And that is what we all should remember for Christ gave us all his love.
No matter what you believe, this season is magical and should be how we spend all year. A little bit nicer,more spiritual,and more loving. So Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!!

THE LOO AND VERNE SHOW CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

LOO AND VERNE SCREW UP AGAIN!!!!

( Loo and Verne are very good friends. Loo has a Harley that she dearly loves and rides everywhere. Verne has a set of Royal Doulton China that she bought on a recent trip to England and is very very fond of each piece. As the light go on we see Loo and Verne sitting at the table discuss their Christmas lists.. . .)

VERNE: Okay Loo! I have everyone on my list done but you. What are you thinking about for Chirstmas. And if you say you want that neon mini kegger again I am going to sock you right in the mouth!! There is not room in your basement for another thing!

LOO: Fine! If I can't have the mini keggar then I am taking back your bagpipe playing, kilt wearing, Scottish mail order husband. No, really I have been eyeing the new sparkle pink gas tank for my Harley. Don't you think it would go beautifully with my chaps? The problem is its way expensive, so I guess socks will be fine. What would you like?

VERNE: Loo! Do you always have to bring up that man? You know I don't truck with no man who wears a dress! Honestly. I would imagine they keep a cold all the time anyway--and I just imagine the rashes.

So you want a customized gas tank for your Harley huh? Interesting. I bet that will set someone back a pretty penny. Now, I will have to admit you would look quite fetching with a sparkle pink tank to match those chaps. But you are right--way too steep for my blood. You should have asked YOUR mail order husband for that one.Yep, it is gloves for you old girl!

Well, I'll tell you what I would love to have. As you know I have my Royal Doulton China that I bought that time I was in England--you know I went over there to visit my cousin Priscilla who married that guy who worked for the Duchess of York? Well, anyway. I know it is awfully expensive but they have this beautiful free standing tea urn that holds up to 30 cups. I would love to have that for my next Possum Pate' tea social. But it is mucho bucks--so probably some guest soaps will do for me. I'm not hard to please.

LOO:  I can't help it! After you accosted the Scottish rites player during the Christmas parade, it seems you are not completely over him.

Well I started to ask my husband, but after you broke his foot while playing dirty Santa, he shipped himself back.

Ah yes! The china it's beautiful, I must say. I had forgotten about your cousin. Do you think she could get us a meeting with the queen? I'm still in shock that you Verne, came from royalty!
If you get that tea urn, we shall invite all the ladies from the women's guild, over for tea and pate.
Christmas reminds me of my childhood, when my father would take me on Sunday drives on his Harley. I can still feel the wind on my face. We would drive while mom made dinner, she hated the bike. She feared it would be the death of us.

VERNE (wiping a tear) Oh LOO! That is sooo beautiful! A tender memory of your father (sniff) I hope you tell him that. He will be so happy that he didn't put you up for adoption after all.

Yes, I am totally over the Scottish rites guy--the wind blew pretty well that day! I was seriously unimpressed.

As for your husband--he was cheating!

LOO: So you will be knitting baby booties for the Scottish rites guild? Cheating? With who? You?! So that was the deal with the melted chocolate! I'm so upset! Forget your guest soaps!

VERNE: Now, calm down Loo! You always jump to conclusions. He cheated because he wouldn’t  fork over his gift and he melted because he fell up against the radiator when I broke his foot off and shoved him out of the way!!! Now calm your bad self down. chill. There are other foil wrapped chocolate men out there.
 Well, I guess we have our lists finished. I am going to go home and finish wrapping my presents. See you in a few days! Get some rest! sheesh!

LOO: (Laughing)  You always mess with my blood pressure, I was so looking forward to seeing what you had planned for us. It was just not meant to be.  (Verne leaves and Loo is contemplating her gift:) : I really wish I could get Verne that tea urn, she has been a great friend and stood by me when others have not. I wonder how much it costs? ....

 (Loo: goes to the phone----fade)

VERNE: (Walking in the snow contemplating Loo's gift) Loo really deserves that gas tank. She WOULD be most fetching on it with all that pink! But gosh those things are steep! (Unlocks her door and goes inside--fade)

ACT II

( Loo and Verne are at the Christmas party at Verne's house. Loo has just arrived. She is surprisingly dry and warm for someone who came on a motorcycle.)

VERNE: Merry Christmas LOO!!! I am so glad you made it. I didn't know if that little softtail Harley would make it through the snow drifts or not. . . Wow it must have stopped snowing! You are dry as a bone! Well come on, it is time to open presents. AND NO, I DID NOT GET YOU THE MINI KEGGER!!!

LOO: Merry Christmas Verne! (Loo hands Verne a gift) No its coming down out there! I passed a polar bear on the corner having a snowball fight with a penguin. Well since you didn't get me the mini kegger you better have some red wine around this joint!
( Loo and Verne join the other guests)
Hey guys! Merry Christmas! Oh Verne what a magnificent Christmas tree.

VERNE: Why thank you Loo! Come in and join the gang. (She takes the gift Loo has in her hand and places it under the tree. She pauses to pat the gift that bears the name LOO on it and begins imagine the look on her dear friend's face when she opens it.)

ACT III

(The last of the guests are making their way out the door. Verne is waving goodbye. Loo is cleaning up dishes and such. )

VERNE: Okay Loosie LOO, it is time for us to exchange our gifts! I can't wait for you to see yours!

LOO: Great! Let me finish this glass. Verne that wrapping job is excellent, is that macrame?

VERNE:  Yes, I got carried away making a tissue box holder, I just couldn't stop so the next thing I knew I had a gift bag the size of duffel bag. (They sit down on the couch in front of the tree. Verne picks up Loo's gift and hands it to her) OKAY! Here you go Loo! Enjoy this in good health! (Loo picks up Verne's gift and hands it to her)

LOO: You are one macrame fool. Let's open our gifts together. (Loo hesitates unsure of how to open the macrame wrap. They wildly open their gifts, then Verne makes a choking sound. Loo looks over to see if it was her gift that made her choke, but she has managed to get the ribbon around her throat! 30 minutes later Verne is free and unharmed except for the circumfrential hickey on her neck.)

VERNE: LOO! THE URN. YOU GOT ME THE URN!!! (laughing) IT IS BEAUTIFUL BUT HOW.........(She stops in mid sentence, the she gets a strange look on her face, a sad look, but then she quickly recovers remembering that her friend hasn't opened her gift yet) LOO! YOU HAVE TO UNTIE THE STRING AT THE TOP! HURRY I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

LOO: I got it now! Oh! My goodness Verne the sparkle pink gas tank for my Harley! (Loo  holds the tank in her hands as it sparkles under the glow of the Christmas lights. She drops her head), Verne how did you get this?......(just then Loo notices they were not drinking out of the Royal Doulton tea set.) Verne, what happened to your tea set?

VERNE: (lowers her eyes)  Well, Loo. It was just collecting dust, and I only used it on special occasions and, and, well, you know how I hate clutter…….I sold it.    BUT LOOK AT YOU! I can't wait to see you buzzing around town glittering like a fairy princess--pink chaps flapping in the wind!!!

LOO: But you loved it! (just then it hits Loo like a bulbous rock) I must confess I sold my Harley too.

VERNE: (looks up with a quizzical stare.  She looks at Loo, the gas tank and the urn.  Then starts to laughing out loud!!!!) LOO!  We screwed up again!!!!!!  You silly silly girl.  You sold your bike to buy this urn?  And I sold my tea set to buy the gas tank!  (Laughs harder and harder)  Well, it’s just like us!!!!! 

LOO: (laughing because of the situation or perhaps the wine, happy tears start falling!) We completely messed this one up. I don't need a Harley or the gas tank all I need is your friendship and a good bottle of wine.

VERNE: OH LOO!! YOU"RE THE BEST!!!!!!!!  And I can still use the urn without the  rest of the set………You are still not getting a kegger though.

THE END

THE LOO AND VERNE SHOW CHRISTMAS SPECIAL: A Play

book

Tonight I sit here alone as Verne has stolen my mail order husband. I caught them playing dirty Santa, well at least that's what Verne said it was but I can't figure out what the melted chocolate had to do with Dirty Santa? But anyway it gives me time to write on my untitled, unfinished book. I'm a self taught author, if you can say that? So sometimes I use hyperboles, instead of adjectives and use commas in the wrong places. But I'm digressing while writing tonight I became emotional, I guess is a good thing when it comes to reaching out to a reader.
I am a Paramedic which should lead you into what my book is about. Not so much about medicine but the emotions that one deals with.
I won't give away too much now as I don't want to jinx myself, but I hope when its done new light is shed on Emergency Medical Services and we are treated not as Ambulance drivers but as human beings who serve help the greater good. So if any of you see Verne and my mail order husband tell them to come home. I need help with punctuation.

Join Us

Join us on Facebook December14th for the Altamont Volunteer Fire Department Toys and Baskets Drive. Please help those less fortunate by donating money, canned goods, or a new toy. Help us help them to have a Great Christmas!

Loo and Verne do Yoga

I have been doing Hatha Vinyasa Yoga for 2 years now, so when Verne decided she wanted to try a new diet and exercise program, I suggested that we take a class together. Just so happened the local fitness center offers Yoga classes, off we go in the latest Yoga attire and mats, we did look absolutely dashing I might add. But I digress, we made our way to the classroom neglecting to notice the sign on the door that read CHILD BIRTH CLASS.
As we unfurled our mats, Verne, commented on how diverse the class was, women and men of all shapes and ages. We settled into the Perfect Posture as the Yogini walked into the room. I explained to Verne that Hatha Vinyasa focused on breathing in and out of poses. The Yogini suggested we practice our breathing with a simple HEE, HEE, HOO technique, I was glad Verne didnt eat her typical bean burrito for breakfast.
We then was instructed to get into the down face dog pose, very strange not to be starting out with the Sun Salutation poses, but I went with it. When we changed to the cat pose I noticed Verne had managed to wrap her leg around her head and was struggling to get free.
About that time the other practioners turned and gave us strange looks, OH NO! I now noticed the obvious, these women were in the family way!
I quickly unwrapped Verne who was still oblivious to what was happening, grabbed our mats and hauled ass outta there. As we ran I heard a thunderous roar of laughter and two breaks of water at our mistake, jumping into Verne's convertible Beetle, I was confused as how to put the seat belt on. Her head was now in the floorboard and her feet on the ceiling, perhaps I didnt unwrap her the right way.
After a quick stop at the emergency department and explaining what had happened, they got Verne put back together, not before they took pictures and called the local news.
We called Alaska to see if we could hide out there until this was over, all we got was laughter.
So we now have decided to open up our own practice, Midwife Yoga!

How to set the stove on fire

First you must be hungry, second have at least one person watch while you cook. Next grab your new nonstick skillet, an egg, and olive oil well any oil I just happen to use extra virgin olive oil.
Now pour oil in skillet to heat up, preferably on med heat
Next crack egg on a flat surface to prevent any shell from ending up in your mouth. Sizzle, oh yes the pan was the perfect temperature, now its time for the Grand Finale, take the skillet in one hand flip your wrist to flip said egg over. Now you have everyones attention, until said egg slides out of skillet and into the stove eye along with said olive oil causing a fireball to erupt causing heat to singe eyebrows.
All while your audience runs around screaming and searching for a fire extinguisher and dialing 911.
With one big puff of air the fire is out, house is smoke filled and audience now laughing over the charred remains of what used to be an egg and your pride.

Goodbye Dear Friend

Tonight on The Loo and Verne Show we remember our Dear friend Debbie Walker. I first met Debbie when I was a child as her stepdaughter,Tiffany and I were best friends growing up. My first impression was what a sweet, beautiful lady. When she looked at you with those eyes she was looking at you, you had her undivided attention. She treated me as if I were her child with love and respect.
Debbie and her husband Robert welcomed two boys into their family, lil Robert as he is called, and Tommy. I remember those two little boys Robert looking very much like his namesake, and Tommy with the blonde hair and adorable dimples,more like his mother.
Growing up around this family and seeing the pride and love each held for one another just would draw you in more. Later as my best friend Tiffany was in a car crash at age 15 and was unconscious at Erlanger Hospital, my bond with this family was stronger. I watched as Debbie did not want to leave even to eat. I thought WOW! This is her husbands child but yet she has unconditional love for her.Tiffany did make a full recovery from her injuries.
One thinks that such a tragedy only hits a family once, but that wasn't so. A couple of years ago Debbie was diagnosed with cancer. Then this past summer their precious Tommy was killed in a car crash only seconds from their home. He was 3 days from his 13 birthday.
As I write this I am overcome by great sadness, how could a family survive through this tragedy. But they did Debbie continued fighting bravely, still smiled.
I got to see her for the last time, we hugged and I told her I loved her and how she inspired me with her strong faith. I can only pray now for my friends but I will never forget the love of a great person,
Goodbye Debbie.

Loo and Verne's Night Out

The Celtic Cup a wonderful coffee shop was the place where it all took place. Uncle Don Clark was performing on Black Friday, and I absolutely love his music and could not wait to see him perform, which could explain my behavior earlier in the day whilst shopping. So with my faux leather jacket on and my parents at my flanks we go to enjoy free live music and perhaps a grilled cheese and hot cocoa. We arrive to find Don already into the first set and the wonderful smell of fresh coffee. While ordering my grilled cheese and hot cocoa I see a familiar face. Verne! Her little mama and husband at her flanks walked in like the Celtic Cup mafia. As I squealed out in delight, the waitress lost all sense and charged Vernes chai latte to my account. 30 minutes later we had the situation corrected. My nephew Tanner found us a corner table and grabbed a newspaper to cover his face, by this time the crowd discovered that Loo and Verne had arrived and assumed it was show time. Verne knocked Uncle Don off the stage and announced that we were not Loo and Verne just Regis and Kelly having coffee. Smart move Verne! After the meet and greet we enjoyed awesome Uncle Don Clark music and sandwiches. Then Verne took over a lovely couples table and took over their scones. Leaving her husband to sit with the 3 blue haired cougars as she was jealous of the 97 year olds texting abilities. Poor Verne! Or should I say poor Don, blu haired followers.
My parents and Tanner kept Vernes hubby and little mama company while we signed autographs only to be interrupted by a strong blueberry odor. Verne then got a wild look in her eyes jumped across the table and demanded a blueberry poptart! I had to call in the swat team to calm her down and explain that a place that sells gelato does not have poptarts but was making scones.
After that we listened to the final set of music toes tapping and hearts full of love and Verne full of poptarts.

Black Eye'd Friday or Shopping With LOO

   Well, I think I know why it is called Black Friday--black eyes.  Maybe even Black and Blue Friday would be better.  See it all started when Loo decided that she was going to ride the Wal-mart scooter to the back where the Sparkle Plenty Barbie Dolls were.  I told her she'd never get it close enough to the shelf to be able to reach one before she got trampled.  She said, "Hide and watch me, Verne!"  Loo, always gets a little testy when you tell her she "can't" do something.
    She took off at mach 10 toward the toy department. She was going so fast that she knocked down the Twilight book display.  I knew she was oblivious when she didn't stop, pick up one of the books and kiss the photo of Edward on the front--she is always doing that you know.   Then she knocked over this 40 something woman dressed in cougar print and stretch pants who was ogling a Jonas Brothers' poster.  It was the saddest thing I had ever seen.  She was mad with purpose--to get the coveted Sparkle Plenty Barbie Doll.
    She skidded sideways as she came to where they were and there was this poor little old lady who had to be at least 80  reaching out her sweet little old wrinkledly hand when all of a sudden, Loo, wild-eyed and frothing at the mouth, jumped off the scooted and walloped the poor little woman with a set of floor mats she had managed to get tangled up in the basket of her scooter as she careened through the automotive aisle.
   I begged her to stop but she just kept swatting the little blue hair until she let go of the doll.  Loo, snatched it and was gone!!!!  I stayed behind to help pick up hair pins and false teeth which were covering the floor by this time and apologized profusely to her on Loo's behalf.  I had to explain that Loo had been a little "off:" ever since her knee surgery.  I don't think she believed me, the last time I saw her she was staggering to the health and beauty aisle to get some Advil and bandaides.
    Loo was flying through the store waving her ill gotten loot screaming, "I GOT THE BARBIE!!!"  I decided it was time for a little damage control so I took off after her, only to be tripped by a Wal-mart employee stocking the shelves with Soltice.  I went skidding across the floor right under this guy who had just come from a meeting of the Scottish Rites.  He was wearing a kilt---and we all know what they wear under kilts.
    So there I lay, prostrate on the floor, stunned beyond words, staring up at this guy's Scottish Rites, as Loo made another mad dash through shouting "WOOOOOO HOOOOOO!"  They called the ambulance and that is the last I remember--for I managed to crawl to the school supply aisle and glue my eyes shut with crazy glue--I never wanted to see again!
    So whoever gets the Sparkle Plenty Barbie please know, it was blood sweat and tears that brought that doll to you and when they release Loo and me from jail (I shall be in the infirmary trying to get my eyes back open) come by and have some hot chocolate. We love you, come see us!

A Thanksgiving Day Resolution

     You know Loo, today was a great family day.  Every year my sweet little Daddy asks the blessing over the Thanksgiving meal, but today it just seemed sweeter.  I am 50 years old--there, now you know- and for at least forty-six of those years I have listened to him ask God's blessing on each person around the table.  Today was special because, for the first time in my life I realized, at the age of 82, there will not be forty-six more years of listening to him bless our food.  It was with mixed emotions I enjoyed his petition to God to bless each one there today.  At one time he called us each by name, but because of his great legacy and the generations he has grandfathered, the house is getting a little full, making it impossible for him to remember the names of each and every one of us.
       I have a new grandbaby coming soon, and I have been contemplating this "family" thing.  With the passing of my sweet little Grannie two years ago, my mortality began to wave at me from the distance.  Life is an earthly gathering where people come and people go, and the best we can do is enjoy them while they are here.  So, even though it is not New Years Day yet, I am making a resolution to enjoy my family more.  To take notes of their little triumphs, heartbreaks and quirky little habits that make them who they are.  To savor the differences we have and laugh at the similarities  we share involuntarily. 
      I don't know who this new little baby is going to be yet.  I don't even know if it is a boy or girl. It is like having a wrapped present that says, "DO NOT OPEN UNTIL..." and the anticipation is mounting everyday.  But, what I do know about this little person is that he or she will be a perfect blend of each and every person I love dearly.  The first time I hold this baby in my arms will be like opening a fresh new journal and writing, "Once Upon a Time. . .  .".  The story will unwind for years to come and I will want to read every single word.
    I have no idea how many more Thanksgiving Day Blessings my Daddy will give, he may even pray over my empty vessel before he's gone. Thankfully I don't know how the story ends.  All I can do, is live, love and cherish those who are coming and those who are going.  Then, in my still, quiet hours, I will be able to pull out those mentally illustrated journals to read, and reread the lives of those whom I love so dearly.  It is then, I will be truly thankful that I took the time to learn them well.
   

Thanksgiving

I have been extremely excited about Thanksgiving this year. Where its coming from I do not know, perhaps its because I don't have to work? You see I had knee surgery in September that I'm Still recovering from, but that's another post. I am a paramedic and holidays off well we miss too many.Again that is another post. Perhaps it is the daily postings of my fellow Facebook cohorts stating what they have been thankful for all this month? Its so very nice to see family at the top of most everyones list. I have much to be thankful for and it all could not fit on this page. We must remember those who need a little help whether it be a smile or food. Tomorrow Turkeys will be carved, Verne I'm expecting tofurkey, pumpkin pies will be burnt, I mean eaten and waistbands will expand. But most of all let's be thankful for togetherness, love, and blessings. Even when uninvited guests show up and all you have is popcorn, pretzels, and toast. As I am writing this people are cooking, cleaning, and drinking oops, sitting the table all anxious to see what cougarish outfit Verne will wear this year! Maybe she has toned it down, but from the looks of a recent profile picture I saw all I can say is big hair is back! Don't light any candles around the white rain do or the smell of singed hair may be all that lingers. And the volunteer fire department will all be celebrating with their families so a quick extinguish is out of the question. So Verne to you and our 2 fans Happy Thanksgiving!!!

reflection part one

Tonight I had the opportunity to watch my original hometown basketball team play my current hometown team.My emotions were mixed, I was in good company a mixture of old friends and new. The excitement was thick in the gymnasium. The hardwood floor freshly buffed and shined brightly, reflecting the efforts of tonights opponents. One team dressed in purple and gold the other in white and red, each determined to out play the other, to leave more sweat,heart'and soul on the court. As I'm making my rounds doing a meet and greet I hear the buzzer, indicating tip off is about to begin. I quickly take my seat, the referees whistle blows, purple & gold get the tip and go in for the easy lay up. 2 points! The score jumps back and forth as the first quarter jitters beging to fade. The squeak of their shoes, brings back memories of a time when I was on this very court down 20 points at the end of the first half with no hope in sight. We were outsized and out of our league said the doubters. You see we entered this court the underdogs an elementary school team who couldn't play with the high school teams. Who did they think they were? Sure they had girls 6 foot plus in height our best was 5'6” but we had the pride of our sister's winning the state championship just a couple years earlier. We came out of the lockerroom that second half and feed on the spirit only true dedication can bring as we ended up winning by 1 point and quieted the opponents. Tonight I seen young women those I had watched grow up from babies, play with the same fight and desire as I had so many years ago. I was silently living out my dreams for being a teenager was hard for Me, I quit the only thing that made Me truly happy. I will never know if Pat Summit could make me cry or if Duke University needed a short power forward. What I do know is some of the best years of my life got played on the basketball court along with friendships and bonds that will never break. And in case any of you are wondering the purple and gold won out tonight 59 to 45.

Loo Seeks Divine Intervention for New Moon Date

As you may know by now, it is time for me to spiff up my image just a little.  Loo has been on to me to get rid of my blue hair and try as I might, there is always one that makes it through the purple, pink and bleach white process.  I am just going to pluck it out. Anyway, my question is where can I get hold of skinny tight cougar leggings in a size 24W? I have been looking everywhere, but then I keep getting these strange looks and one store slammed the door and turned the "closed" sign over.  I was so depressed I went to Mary's for a hot molten cake with a side of chocolate pie.

I invited Loo to come, but apparently she has decided to take up yoga. And apparently chocolate is off her list--she has replaced it with grub worms and tofu.  Anyway,  I don't know why anyone with a messed up knee would take up yoga.  Maybe she wants to meditate.  Maybe she wants to limber up.  Maybe she has designs on that hot young yogini who just moved into the neighborhood.  I have tried to convinced her that he is gay, but she won't have any of it.  She says there is no way a man that hot could be gay!  I told her there is no way a man can wear THOSE PANTS and NOT be gay.

So we are going to conduct blind comparison research.  We are going to go to the next yoga class and bring along Billy Bob Bubba Roy, the most notorious homophobe in our area.  However, because we can't talk him into wearing leotards for obvious reasons, we are going to dress him in his thermal underwear.  Then, sitting as near to  the front as possible, we shall  look for reactions from the yogini.  If we leave there with Billy Bob Bubba Roy holding him in a head lock and pounding it with his fist, we will KNOW he is indeed gay.  If not Loo will have a sure date for New Moon, next week.  So follow along and see what happens.

P.S. Loo have you seen my cougar print leotards?

makeover

After seeing Vernes Facebook picture I'm very disturbed. It seems that she has taken the cougar lifestyle to heart. She is now advertising that her age is 23 and she just won an AMA! She is sporting Big Hair and bleach spattered skinny jeans. When she pulled into the local dollar general Prince or the artist formerly known as, was blaring from the speakers of her new Bose system in her ford escape! One blue hair even fell to her knees for fear that the Lord had returned!then the coondogs from across the street began singing backup therefore starting a riot, prompting the local one bullet police department to intervene. When they arrived they we're so excited that gene simmons was in town that they closed down the dollar general for personal autographs!

Verne im right here!

Verne I'm right here. I survived the night filled with tantalizing big screen vampire love! I went to a Drive-in movie dressed in my skinny jeans and converse wrapped up in my Jonas Brothers snuggie. I did see a few cougars there and feared for the safety of anyone 25 or younger as IV heard that cougars go in for the kill by biting the neck. Oh and thanks Verne for talking Me out of that neck tattoo, I wouldn't want people to think I got bit by a cougar! I arrived home just as dawn was breaking and had myself a day slice of pumpkin pie. I appreciate you leaving the porchlight on. As I heard a soft growl in the hedgerow. But that's another story. For now I'm putting on my running shoes as I head out in my search for my long lost vampire lover before the cougars beat Me to it!

Where is Loo?

Okay, I know I left her right here and now she is gone. 
Oh!  That's right!  She has gone to watch Twilight, that movie about vampires and such.  I don't know why Loo would be interested in that sort of mess, in my day Vampires were the bad guys and not the least bit good looking.  Take Bela Lugosi for instance.  That guy had serious hair issues and was frankly scary enough to make me just turn off the tv and go to bed--with the light on!

But, now people are putting up posters of this Edward guy and fawning all over it.  I had to dissuade Loo from getting a tattoo on her throat of two x-es and a notation that read, "X marks the spot!"  Sad very sad.  I hate to tell all you teeny boppers, but, IT IS JUST A MOVIE!  That guy Edward buys his toilet paper down at the Kroger just like the rest of us!!!  And he DOES eat garlic on his pizza!  So get over it and save your money for something fun, like orthodontia or a perm.

If you want supernatural immortality, well, let's discuss Barry Manilow or Neil Diamond.  Those Jonas Brother can't hold these guys a light to see by.  Courgars of every description would drop any Jonas like a hot potato should Neil start wailing, "SWEET CAROLINE!"  When Barry belts out, "I write the songs that make the young girls cry. . . "  Well, I will just have to tell you, I still stop, close my eyes and sway with the magic.

Loo!  Are you there?  Are you back yet?  Well, I guess not.  I'd better go on home and leave the light on here for her should she return before dawn. Shoot, she might as well stay till dawn, because believe me, Edward ain't going nowhere, but to the house!!!!